i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
