I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
