ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
