take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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