i think i scared a bird with my dick
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
