If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
