I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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