WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
