I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
