Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
