nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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