i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
