Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
