Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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