Please, let me fuck your mom
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were trust falling into bushes
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
