Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
