I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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