As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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