I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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