i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
