this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
