You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
