I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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