U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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