That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
