I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
