Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
