apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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