i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
