I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
