Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Houston, we have a blender
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize