Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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