Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
