youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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