how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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