its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
