You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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