whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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