Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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