remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
