yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
