he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Drunk is not a location!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
