So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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