Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
