mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You have to summon your inner elephant
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
