I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
