New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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