her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
