dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
