alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
