They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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