So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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