I looked at my own cervix.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
