By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
