I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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