you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
