first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
