your parents love me but you hate me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
