I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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