Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
