I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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