I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
