You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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