he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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