Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
