the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
