fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
