I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize