Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
