my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
