i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
