I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
