Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
