I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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