Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
