too bad you live with your parents still
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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