Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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