the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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