That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just threw up on my dentist
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
