You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
