I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
