I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
