Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
