Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
