i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
